The Sacred Side of Pregnancy and Infant Loss

I recently heard a podcast on the "Sacred Side of Miscarriage" and it really got me thinking. Can a miscarriage, the loss of a life so beautiful and wanted, really be sacred? And what does that really mean?

Like every other part of our grief journeys, this too looks different for every person. I think some can come to this place rather quickly and for others it may take several years or even decades. And what that looks like can be different for everyone. For me, realizing that death is just as sacred as birth was part of what led me to look at my losses this way. We all live, and we all die and so life and loss is really just a part of the circle. That knowledge doesn't make it any less tragic when it's your child or loved one that dies. It doesn't make your grief any less raw. It is just a fact. It is just the truth.

So what does it mean for a loss to be "sacred"? Mirriam-Webster defines sacred as dedicated or set apart for the service or worship of a deity; entitled to reverence and respect; and highly valued and important. Yes, my losses have been all of theses things to me. My babies lives are certainly entitled to reverence and respect and highly valued and important to me. And I have certainly dedicated the loss of their lives to the service or worship of the Lord my God.

As a Christian I believe that "God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" Romans 8:28 NLT. This certainly doesn't mean, to me, that God caused my losses or that He is to blame. But it does mean that He can, and has, used my heartache for His good. He used that heartache and the experiences afterwards, to call me to birth work and later to bereavement work. He used my training as a doula to help heal my heart And He used the relationships I developed through birth work to give me the beautiful and redeeming birth of my rainbow baby last year.

My doula practice has always been, to me, the legacy my babies left behind. It is my way to honor their memories in a beautiful and loving way. And like all of the other conflicting and contradictory emotions that come with this journey, I can be grateful for what this experience taught me.

Has your loss become a sacred thing in your life? If you'd like, share your story in the comments below.

And you can listen to the Indie Birth podcast that inspired this post here: http://www.indiebirth.com/sacred-side-miscarriage-sabrina-wolf-moon/

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